The “I’m not ready for my heart was broken.” Meeting new, interesting, often incredible people and turning away for the fear of hurt.
She grew up without a dad. He died when she was two years old, and she still doesn’t know the details of his life. This has made her a searcher. A hunter.
She was the one I wanted to be with. She was the one I wanted to love forever. She was my friend. I never told her how special she was, how much I appreciated her.
“Who’s holding you back?” she repeated.
“Me,” Angelie said.
“Who has that straight jacket on you?” she asked.
“Me again,” Angelie mumbled.
“What? I can’t hear you,”
“Nobody has put that straight jacket on but myself,” Angelie replied.
Self-Love must first be created before you can teach anybody.
And the inner work must be done first before you can lead.
Love unconditionally because you were created with unconditional love.
Angelie drove to Mentuck Women’s Shelter in Pasadena. It was Christmas day and she was at peace. Though her family was not physically with her, she realized that Jesus had kept his promise. They were all in her heart.
The nights are the worst. Because I hate going to the same cold bed and wrapping myself inside the covers. I’m all alone.
She’s irritated because she can’t fix it. She wants to help them. She wants it to stop. She thinks that by pointing it out, they can see it, then change it. But it doesn’t work that way.
In fact, the opposite happens. It reinforces and pushes people away. Like a mirror to medusa’s ugly face. Nobody wants to smell their own shit.
In that empty space, she attempts to fill with colors, adventure, sex, but she knows deep down that these are all distractions. The truth of the matter is that the empty space is designed to remain empty, laid bare so from that void, we may discover the truth. Underneath what is expressed on social media and created for social pretension was a hurt girl who had somehow created the illusion that she doesn’t deserve love.
“He started to move energy, and he started to pick up on things that I had never told him or anyone, and as he was feeling into my energy it started to get me to believe. As he started healing in my heart, he told me ‘You have a very heavy heart, so much sadness, You’ve been forgiving, but you still need to let go of forgiveness. You’re still holding onto it.’ And he asked me to call out the names of the people that I needed to forgive….” -Josephina Bashout